don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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