fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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