Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i wish my penis had a tongue
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize