I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
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