uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I will pee on everything he values.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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