I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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