Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
