you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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