I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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