Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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