mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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