when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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