I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
We need to rekindle our bromance
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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