I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
