Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
