I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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