Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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