Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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