Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
