Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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