so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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