Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
