she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
He? As in you personified your dick?
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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