I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
