drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
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