The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Randomize
