When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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