If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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