god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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