On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
