you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
