just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
