three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
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