i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
