I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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