Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Randomize
