i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I will be naked everywhere
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize