Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize