need another drink. this is the easiest way
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Randomize
