I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
