and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize