You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
