After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
