I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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