All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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