filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
