This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Send help, water and tortillas.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
