If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I checked into jail on foursquare
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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