I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize