i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
