Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
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