If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
