do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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