I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
