I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
