My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
