My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
I bet he comes in French.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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