no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize