i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
My breasts were aching with rage.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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