I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
its liver damage thursday
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
