I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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