last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
