we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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