this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
