If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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