i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
don't judge my taste in strippers
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
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